Good afternoon, I hope you are well. I’m not going to waste any time today and I want to get straight into the subject of this post – “I’m not good enough”. Have you ever felt like that, or had similar thoughts?
During my Christian walk there have been many times when I have not only thought this, but really believed it deep down inside my heart. It was that belief that lead me to think many other negative things and truly regard myself in that light. There are times I have thought I’m not good enough, not only that I’m not good enough for myself, but not good enough for anyone. Not good enough to be a wife, not good enough to be a mother in a family, not good enough to be successful, simply not good enough.
Even when I would read the word and leave bible study lifted up by the power of the word filled with hope, that hope would quickly be dashed and be replaced with doubt, fear and self-hatred.
There are times when it can seem as though everyone is moving forward yet here I am stuck mentally in the same place. I would be reminded constantly of all that had happened to me and all that I had lost which I could not get back. I would be hounded by the memory of all the people I had slept with, all the mistakes I had made which cannot be undone but which “leave a permanent mark”.
Now let me keep it real with you here:
Can I change the past? Can I become a physical virgin again? – can I take the number of people I have slept with or my body count back to zero? (Lord knows it went into the double digits when I was a teen). The simple answer is no.
I’m telling you about these things because I know that someone somewhere is being affected by this, they need to be encouraged. These thoughts and beliefs stopped me enjoying the freedom and joy I had in Christ, and left me depressed and feeling defeated as if there was no point in trying.
But now I am in Christ these things do not define me. How do I know? The Bible says so. I know that I know that I know, beyond all shadow of a doubt that this is not how God sees me.
Isaiah 1 vs 18 (NASB)
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool.
Just like the word says, let us reason this out. Jesus died for us and covered all our sins, iniquities and failings; all old things are passed away and we are new creations. Those labels the world gave me no longer stand in fact – I am the righteousness of Christ and He has chosen to display His splendour in me. How awesome is that.
It all comes down to the mind and what we choose to focus on and meditate upon.
Philippians 4 vs 8 (NIV)
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
These are the things we should be focusing on not the negative labels and titles the world gave us. We need to learn to hold captive every thought. Every time we have a negative thought about ourselves we need to learn to reject that boldly and declare the truth. I want to go a bit further here.
What happened to those labels then, where did they go?
Colossians 2 vs 14-15 (NIV)
14 having cancelled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
We are told that our crimes and sins, all that condemned us was taken away and nailed to the cross. We are also told that this act disarmed every power and authority. There are two things I want to look at here.
The first is the nailing of our crimes to the cross. When a man was due to be executed by crucifixion, he would not only carry his own cross, he also carried a wooden board which had his crimes written on it. This was the same with Jesus; He had a wooden board above his head which was nailed to the cross literally, with His crimes listed.
John 19 vs 19 (NIV)
19 Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross. It read: jesus of nazareth, the king of the jews.
That was what He had been accused of, claiming to be the son of God and king of the Jews. It was right there on that board that our sins were nailed. Every label, every accusation that says you are not good enough is pinned right there with our saviour. We don’t need to pick them back up, they are gone.
The second point I want to make is that in this moment on the cross, Christ disarmed every principality and power over our lives as Christians. He completely took away their authority. The only thing the enemy can do now is use deception and fear.
Fear of failing, deception about who you really are and the royalty you have been brought into. Let us not give the enemy power he does not have.
So let’s look at what we can practically do:
Zechariah 3 vs 1-3 (NIV)
Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. 2 The Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, Satan! The Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?” 3 Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. 4 The angel said to those who were standing before him, “Take off his filthy clothes.” Then he said to Joshua, “See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put fine garments on you.”
This is salvation. We are ones who have been snatched from the fire, we are not going there but have been bought at a price. We can no longer be accused; there is no condemnation in Christ. We have been given new garments and new titles. So any time the enemy or even our own hearts tell us different we need to take that authority. We need to say “I am one snatched from the fire, The Lord rebuke you”. We need to replace that thought with the correct ones – “I have been fearfully and wonderfully made”.
This is actually the truth, this is the reality, and everything which is contrary to that is a complete and utter lie.
You know I used to wish I could change my past and that none of it happened, but honestly, now I don’t even wish that. All of these things, my past, my mistakes, my victories, failings, and triumphs add to who I am today. This is my testimony, and now that which was meant for my destruction, God can now use uniquely.
It been a process, but it came to a point where I had to let go of all that. All the hurt, brokenness and pain; and I had to release it to Jesus. One day I stopped pretending and realised I don’t need to mask all this any more. The only one I need to impress is the master and guess what- I can keep it real with Him because he knows me. Sometimes it’s as simple as going to him and expressing how you feel in prayer and allowing him to work.
Ecclesiastes 3 vs 11 (NIV)
He has made everything beautiful in its time
I chose to drop that shame and allow God to beautify me. Do I have any regrets in my life at all? Honestly – as I stand here today I can say I only have one and no other at all. And that is that I sinned against the one who truly loved me. I don’t regret anything else.
Psalm 51 vs 4 (NIV)
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight
And Guess what? The only one against who I sinned has completely forgiven me – meditate on that!
I pray that anyone who may be going through some of the things I have mentioned will find comfort in these words. I pray the Lord will bind up your wounds and restore to you the joy of your salvation in Jesus’ name.
Lastly if you have read this post and have not yet given your life to Christ – I want to encourage you to do so if you can feel convicted in your heart. All of the promises in the word of God are available to you if only you can surrender to Him. It very simple to do:
Romans 10 vs 9
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
It as simple as saying “Lord I believe you died for me, come into my heart, I surrender my life to you”.
Until next time God bless and keep you.